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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:23 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 29:

The Ghost Inside My Head

Being an author the ghost inside my head always appear in my imagination. Take for instance the current novel I’m writing The Year That Never Was. Indeed, a strange title you may think. This novel is the fourth in Australian Outback Series beginning in 1890 with ‘The Great Shearers Strike’.
The Year That Never Was begins before Australia is a nation. Britain is fighting in South Africa in ‘The Boar War of 1899 to 1902’. Joe Gibson, who is a major character in this series decides to join the fight with his friend Billy Campbell to show their patriotic duty as a Queenslander plus to the British Empire. Both enlist. In October 1899, they board SS Cornwall at Brisbane for their journey to South Africa.
Neither Joe or Billy had ever fought in a war. 22nd December 1899, their ship docks at Port Elizabeth in South Africa. The ghost inside my head formulate a conversation in my imagination on how to make Joe a hero. When Joe, Billy with five hundred other Queensland soldiers arrive on South African shores no Top Brass from the British army meet them. Joe takes control to become their leader directing soldiers to wait until the Top Brass arrive.
After two hours of waiting finally a Top Brass member arrives to find Joe took control. Under instructions they board a train to Pretoria a journey to take two days. Joe’s troop board the train for their journey.
The ghost inside my head worked hard to determine what would happen next. Half way to Pretoria the train is attacked by Boar soldiers. Joe instructs his men to open fire on the enemy. All are killed together with ten of his own men. Before continuing with their journey all dead are buried beside the railway track.
Christmas Eve arrived whilst Joe and his band of merry men are on the train. The Conductor, who only speaks Africana explained his discovery of Champagne. Joe orders all bottles to be distributed amongst the troop including the driver and conductor. Merriment to enjoy Christmas Eve is enjoyed by all.
Once the liquor is finished Joe decides to return the empty Champagne bottles to the cartons to be stored where they were taken. If later someone found empty bottles, Joe would deny any knowledge of the contents. The journey continues onto Pretoria. The ghost inside my head worked overtime to figure out what would happen next.
Arriving at Pretoria Joe is instructed to follow a soldier from the train to an awaiting carriage. Joe has no idea what’s going to happen or reasons why he has been taken from the train. Arriving at Military headquarters office he is confronted by Lord Roberts who is the Commander in Transvaal Region.
The ghost inside my head tells me Joe is to be honoured by this Commander for fighting the Boars on their journey. Joe thought someone must have told the Commander about the liquor. What will happen to Joe and his soldiers?
This will be questioned created by the ghost inside my head.
Word count: 519
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:02 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 30:

The Last Thing On My Mind

The last thing on my mind before I go to sleep at night is words to write for Pomona Writers Group topic. Ideas float through my mind imagining the story to share with my fellow writers. Like for instance a book I read recently. Messages from the book repeated in my mind. A great story of boy meets girl under harsh conditions; girl falls in love with boy.
Nothing new with this story of romance. Father of girl tries in vain to stop both from becoming a couple until girl is involved in an accident. Boy saves girl. All is forgiven by father. Boy and girl live happily ever after. Typical of romance novel.
Ready to read on my kindle e-reader are fifty books. Daily or whenever I have an opportunity I read as often as possible. Some novels are deleted after the first page. Others, which are few, I read from start to finish; like the story I’ve told you. I read as many stories from different authors as I can. My reason because when I’m reading a story I place myself into the seat of the author.
The last thing on my mind is to criticise the author, although, I must admit I falter when glaring mistakes, such as spelling, punctuation, grammar. I can’t do anything about these errors only ensure I don’t make similar errors to my readers. Writing a book is tough work. Takes heaps of guts, patience, and a huge amount of self-discipline to complete the task.
If I have a good book to read nothing better than to seep into the words, devour them the author has written. I love when the story has taken over my mind in such a way I can’t put the book down. For instance, each evening I look forward to the daily news on television. If I have a book which over-rides this daily practice, I can’t put the book down until the news is finished, this is the type of story I want to read.
To become a competent author, one needs to read as much as they write. Behind this fable lies truth of an author. My journey to become an author has taken many, many years from writing in long-hand on a foolscap ruled paper to now directly type the story onto a computer. Practice, practice and more practice to become an author takes self-confidence to another level.
The last thing on my mind after I complete a novel is to ask myself if I enjoyed writing this story for my enjoyment plus the enjoyment of the reader. If my answer is ‘yes’; I’m satisfied. Daily I test the waters to determine if my stories are accepted by my readers by posting a page from a book I’ve written and published onto a group on Facebook for over nine and half thousand members to read daily. This is my barometer to measure if my readers enjoy the story I’ve written.
After posting this page onto Facebook I receive from ten to twenty comments plus ‘likes’ daily from members on this group. Comments amuse me when the member asked, ‘what’s going to happen next?’ I’ve been posting this page daily onto Facebook over eight years. I am truly amazed by the number of members who comment daily plus the extra numbers who join the group.
The last thing on my mind with my writing to improve each time I write a story, novel or a message.
Word count: 590
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:50 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 37:

The Year That Never Was

2017. Will this year be any different to 2016? I can’t complain about 2016. Everything I set out to achieve, I achieved. Writing, publishing, marketing books number 19 and 20 to the world. Who would’ve thought in twenty-nine years I would achieve this milestone.
Back in 1988 at the time I wrote and published book number one ‘Closing The Gap’ my mind completely focused on doing my best to achieve this goal of writing and publishing one book. Now in 2017 my goal to write a novel plus publish stories we write at Pomona Writer’s Group is beyond imagination.
To achieve these goals in 2017 I don’t want to think of ‘The Year That Never Was’. I look forward to writing my next novel. A fire burns in my belly. My mind fixed on research I need to undertake before I start. Character conversations are recording in my mind to write this next novel. I’m ready.
How do one write and publish a novel annually you may ask? Dedication, resilience, time management, self-belief plus the need to finish the job. My next novel is a continuation from my previous one set in the period between 1899 to 1902 in Australian history. These times were important for Australia because in 1899 declaration of ‘Boer War’ in South Africa when Australia joined forces with Britain.
1901 became probably most significant period in our nation’s history because we became a Federation. Writing of the constitution, selection of Parliament included our first Prime Minister. Not forgetting between 1897 until 1902 Australia experienced the worst drought in living history especially in outback Australia.
I have much to write about. Once research of these periods has been completed, time to write. At this stage I have no idea of the topic or name of the novel. May name this latest book, ‘The Year That Never Was’. Sounds original. More I think about this title the more appealing to use this title. I will use this title for my next novel. Should fit the requirements plus the storyline.
First to set a goal of finishing the book by November 2017. Write the goal onto ‘To Do List’. Download movie of ‘Breaker Morant’. View movie to incorporate storyline into book. Search Google for information about Boer War plus Australia. Place information into a folder for later reference. Search Google for Federation of Australia. Who became our first Prime Minister? When? Place information into folder for later reference.
Most important to start, write, write and continue to write until the final page. Make the story interesting, characters lift from the pages. Bring tears to my eyes when writing the emotions of what I write, each reader will experience a similar emotion. Write daily even though may only be a few words or as many words as my muse will allow.
Enchant the reader by writing explosive storytelling at best. Make the reader want to turn the next page. Use simple words, meaningful, enlightening. Most important of all, have fun writing this story. If the writer enjoys their story so then will the reader. In November 2017 ‘The Year That Never Was’ will be available for all to read.
Word count: 537
TO PURCHASE THIS BOOK: CLICK HERE: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/766429.
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:16 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 38:

They Also Served

My son's words almost made me choke with emotion. 'Dad. I'm pleased you're not a policeman any longer.' Why would he tell me these words? I never understood why he hated me being a serving member of Queensland Police Service.
I asked him to explain. His words cut through me like a hot knife through butter. 'At school the other students called me 'piglet'. They spat on me. I hated you being in the police especially when you sat next to me on the train to school.'
After twenty years continued service in Queensland Police Service I retired on medical grounds at forty-two years old after having a pacemaker implantation. My world changed completely from having a secure career to nothing. Hearing my son say these words I never ever in my career thought me being a police officer affected him so much. They also served.
Thinking back to when I met my wife, I'd been a policeman for nine months. She stood beside me through thick and thin being my sounding board after returning home from a heavy investigation. After my retirement I remember sitting with her on the front veranda of our home, her words clear. 'You should write stories of what you did in the police. Those stories you told me. People would love to read them.' I did write these stories.
Whilst writing my first book 'Closing The Gap' my daughter fell in with the wrong crowd at school. When I confronted her about this discovery her words hurt me more than I ever imagine. 'They are the only ones I can talk with. Others walk away when I try to join them because they think I'll tell you what they said. I'm wrong to mix with this crowd, they cause problems, but they talk with me.' Her words shattered my self-confidence. My daughter also served.
I clearly remember my words to her. 'Are you proud I'm a police officer?' I asked her. She began to cry.
'Yes I am.' She sobbed.
'If you are proud of me being a police officer you should tell these so-called friends you are proud of your father being a police officer.' I explained.
After wrapping my arms around her shoulders, she sobbed until regaining herself. 'What is my punishment?' She asked.
'You decide your own punishment.' I replied.
'A month of not watching 'Home and Away'. She answered. Kaylene's experience became the first chapter of 'Closing The Gap' my first book.
A policeman's life is a hard one serving their community. A common analogy in police circles, 'one day you bow to the Queen of England, the next day you pick a drunk from the gutter.' So much variety of life.
Apart from myself, they also served, my wife, daughter, son through all the ups and downs of everyday life. I remember well the morning I confronted a deranged man holding a rifle to my forehead. I didn't think of my position of a police officer in such danger, I thought of my family.
My daughter's words continue to ring in my ears after we attended the twenty-fifth Anniversary Dinner of Crimestoppers. She said on our journey home, 'Dad, you leave behind a legacy by establishing Crimestoppers for Queensland.' These words from my daughter showed how proud she was of me.
Looking back on my life I'm proud to have served Queensland as a police officer. I never would've done so without the support of my wife, daughter and son. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine how my service affected their own lives. They also served.
Word count: 609
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:24 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 39:

Tomorrow and Tomorrow?

Tomorrow never comes. Today is present, yesterday is past whilst tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow the day after the present day. For instance, Tuesday is always followed Monday. Tomorrow is hope for the future.
Speaking of future. I am gravely concerned about my grandchildren's future. Changes in my life have been many from living with no electricity to becoming overpowered with technology we didn't dream of having at their age. From the first sight of television to computers, technology overrides our lives.
My eldest grandson is seventeen years old, completed grade twelve at a private school. Obtained high grades for entrance into any university. Since finishing school he's now suffering from ATWS (Anxiety To Work Syndrome). After leaving school he worked a couple of days installing Foxtel application which he loved. However, this stopped. In fact, he stopped. Since leaving school his motivation to work is zero.
Promoting my books through social media is tough unless one comes up with a great idea. An idea floated through my mind. I wanted to have a presentation to show others my journey of how I became an author. On impulse, I passed the idea to my grandson. 'That's easy Pop.' His comment. 'You write your story. Leave the rest to me.'
After writing the story I wanted others to read, my grandson placed these words with slides together with music made a video to post on YouTube. After watching this video, I couldn't believe how proud of his achievements he made me. He brushed the comment off as nothing.
Each opportunity I link the video to Facebook, LinkedIn, e-mails. Within one week of publication this site recorded more than two hundred and twenty hits. Extraordinary effort. Time to speak with my grandson to explain how proud of what he accomplished. 'Nothing Pop.'
A deep concern worried me. How to motivate my grandson to learn more of this gift to become successful. I strongly suggested he attend university to learn more of his craft. His answer, ' No!' Attempts to make him understand the importance of his future in designing these models to help other author like myself fell on deaf ears. Frustration built inside of me.
My mind screamed how to help him discover his forte. I tried every concealable trick in the book to make him understand how important for him to study this area. To no avail. I wasn't going to give up.
Because he suffers from ATWS (Anxiety To Work Syndrome) I decided to stop pestering him. Allow him to make his own decision. Almost broke my heart a gift going down the drain of hopelessness.
Before I commenced to write this story, my grandson informed me he has accepted my decision and made application to study at university to further his career in the field of technology. My insides almost burst with delight at this news. I kept a straight face; nodded to accept his decision. My only desire is tomorrow and tomorrow he continues to follow his dream.
Word count: 510
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Thu Apr 26, 2018 10:56 pm

'Greatest OMR Stories' - Page 45:
You Just Don't Want To Know
Criminal investigation work at times is thankless. When a crime is committed, serious or minor, investigative skills need to be sharp with the investigator alert to solve the crime. Being an investigator for nine years particularly when others wanted to know what happen. You just don’t want to know became the constant reply.
From many investigators with Queensland Police I was luckier than most. My wife became my sounding board after long days investigating some of the most gruesome crimes. She sat patiently listening to my babbling on about how I solved the crime. Never saying a word, just listening. At the time, I never realised how important her silence meant. I didn’t need to be told about how the crime was solved, only, someone who loved me to listen. Many years later she told me to write a book of these events I shared with her.
This morning on television, an aged man, in his eighties, being manhandled from his vehicle by a couple of sixteen-year youths who escaped from a juvenile detention centre in Melbourne. This man appeared helpless. Throwing his keys away didn’t deter these youths who found the keys and stole this aged man’s vehicle. Disgusting. What will happen to these youths when they’re eventually captured? You just don’t want to know.
Thinking about this occurrence brings back a memory of a youth, twelve years old breaking into an elderly woman’s home in search of money. This elderly lady arrived home to find this twelve-year old intruder in her home, came face to face, with him. She held her handbag tight. This youth grabbed the straps of her handbag trying to force the purse loose. To no avail. She held her handbag tighter.
This youth pushed this elderly lady to the floor, forcing her to release her hold breaking the straps of the handbag from the elderly lady’s forearm. The youth quickly left the home taking the elderly lady’s handbag with him.
Shortly after this reported incident I captured this youth still in possession of the lady’s handbag. He admitted everything about breaking into the house together with assaulting and robbing this elderly lady of her handbag.
Being a juvenile, twelve years old, before I officially interviewed him a parent or guardian needed to be present. His father arrived, looked at his son, screamed the words, ‘you tell the police everything. You understand.’ Naturally, the youth admitted his crime, returned to the house to show me what he did. The elderly lady admitted to hospital with shock and injuries.
At the impending court hearing the defence barrister submitted a nolle prosecute, which meant I needed to give evidence before the court proceeded to show the youth didn’t receive a treat, inducement, or promise to admit his guilt.
You just don’t want to know what happened. The Trial Judge discharged the youth because of the treat his father gave him when he entered the office, ‘you tell the police everything. You understand.’ The elderly lady never recovered from her injuries or shock and passed away fifteen months later. Some events in life you just don’t want to know.
Word count: 530
TO PURCHASE THIS BOOK: CLICK HERE: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/766429.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: THIS IS THE FINAL STORY. I WANT THE MEMBERS TO CHOOSE THE NEXT BOOK TO POST. CLICK ONTO THIS LINK: https://www.amazon.com/Pat-Ritter/e/B008MQASQA TO CHOOSE THE BOOK YOU WANT TO READ DAILY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT.
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Fri Apr 27, 2018 10:34 pm

'Closing The Gap' - Page 1:

Closing The Gap
How Did Closing The Gap Happen?
Thirty years ago, this book ‘Closing The Gap’ was officially launched at Queensland Parliament House, Brisbane. History of ‘Closing The Gap’ came about from an issue I discovered whilst Officer-in-Charge of Juvenile Aid Bureau, Petrie, Brisbane with teenage children running away from home.
My role in the community to protect teenage children; police teenage behaviour. A common occurrence ‘teenage children ran away from home’. Each time a teenager ran away from home my heart swelled hoping the child wouldn’t fall into danger.
This event happened almost daily. Parents reported their teenager ran away from home. Being the Officer-in-charge honestly, I had no answers to this issue. Parents normally waited for their teenager to return home, bought them to the police for a good talking to. In my mind this wasn’t the answer.
I had enough. I wanted to find the answer. Speaking to senior members of Juvenile Aid Bureau they didn’t have any answers. My Inspector at the time Don Braithwaite. His question for me to take on further studies through TAFE. Whether his instructions were a stroke of genius on his behalf or my dealing with fate and destiny.
Returning to the office I decided to call in at the local TAFE to speak with someone. Walking along a corridor a man walked toward me. I stopped. ‘I’m hoping you may be able to help me.’ I said in a concerned voice. Fate led me to meet Bob O’Sullivan, who lectured at the college.
Bob invited me to his office to explain my predicament. Bob’s advice to enrol in his ‘Behaviour’ class. I did. Attending college at night in Bob’s class among different occupations, myself, being the only police officer. Bob’s teaching started me on a journey lasting the remainder of my life.
Instead of attending college at night Bob encouraged his class members to attend a two-day workshop covering all important lessons to learn about ‘Behaviour’. I attended on a Saturday and Sunday sessions.
Finishing at four o’clock in the afternoon I went to work the evening shift. During this shift I answered a query from a concerned mother about her daughter stealing money from home to take to school. Ninety minutes we shared information, particularly, important information concerning communication Bob showed us at the workshop. By the end of the session this mother agreed to speak with her daughter.
No sooner had I arrived at work the following afternoon this mother called. She thanked me for helping her to solve their issue. I couldn’t wait to tell Bob his teachings helped me solve this issue. I wanted to thank Inspector Don Braithwaite for encouraging me to study at TAFE.
Finally, I discovered the holy grail to ‘teenager children running away from home’. Communication became my goal to teach parents how to communicate with their teenage child. After sharing this knowledge with Bob, his words. ‘We’ll write a book. You write each case study. I’ll write theory dovetailing each together.’
At first, I thought Bob lost his mind. Three years of constant writing we finally completed ‘Closing The Gap’. Fate again came to our rescue. How were we going to publish our work? The Australian Lions Drug Awareness Foundation through Lions Clubs Australia agreed to publish ‘Closing The Gap’ for distribution to all Lions Club throughout Australia and Papua New Guinea.
Please enjoy each page of this wonderful book. Tomorrow will be the first page. Enjoy!
TO PURCHASE THIS BOOK: CLICK HERE: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/52861.
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Sat Apr 28, 2018 10:28 pm

'Closing The Gap' - Page 2:

CHAPTER 1
How To Survive Family Turmoils
‘Before she could utter another word, I exploded. How could my daughter do this to me? I admit I lost my temper, but I just couldn’t control myself. I yelled and screamed at her and couldn’t stop until I had fully blown my top. I felt as if I was in the middle of a raging tornado and couldn’t get out. The hurt, the feeling of anguish, the hatred and disbelief, overcome me. My stomach felt like it had been torn apart. I was caught in an emotional storm. Shock and numbness took over my body.’- Fred.
What catastrophe can cause a mature, sensible adult to experience this emotional turmoil? Let’s learn from Fred’s experience.
Fred’s world started closing in on him when a friend told him he would not allow his children to associate with his daughter (then aged 13) if she continued to be a bad influence. He told Fred that she had been disruptive both within and outside the classroom and that she was encouraging his children to smoke. To say that Fred was surprised at his friend’s comments would be a major understatement. He was shocked. He could not imagine his daughter smoking let alone pressuring others to smoke as well.
Nevertheless, he spoke to her about what his friend had said. She seemed surprised and denied all knowledge of any such activities. That was good enough for Fred because he trusted and loved his daughter. He was, however, determined to say a few things to his friend. Fortunately, before doing so, Fred visited his daughter’s school. Here he learnt that his trusted daughter had lied to him.
When Fred confronted his daughter, she admitted her guilt. Fred went into a rage. Many thoughts raced through his mind, one of which was, that this was not supposed to happen in his family. Part of his job was to counsel families in just this type of situation. He had seen the suffering other families had been through and thought he understood their feelings. However, it wasn’t until he had actually experienced the same anguish himself that he really understood.
Fred was unprepared for such turmoil himself, even though he understood the theory behind these problems and had successfully helped many families in precisely this situation. You see he never expected this to happen to him. Nobody expects it to happen to them, but it does happen. Fred’s experience and his immediate reaction are not uncommon.
It wasn’t until Fred gained control of himself and started to work on the techniques which he had regularly advised other parents to do, that he started to work towards a positive outcome. He remembered that there were four ways in which he could respond to this situation. He immediately began to feel better as he started to work constructively to help his family.
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:02 pm

'Closing The Gap' - Page 3:

FAMILY CONFLICT:
Conflict in a family can destroy those ties that make family life something that we all aspire to. Yet the potential for conflict is ever present in our society and especially within our families.
Most of us, as Fred did initially, react negatively to conflict within our families. Part of the reason for this negative approach is simply because we do not handle conflict well. So when conflict does arise, we tend to be anxious and often select options which we later regret and which in the long term, turn out to be counter-productive.
Many relationships are strained or perhaps permanently damaged when the participants are unable to come to terms with their conflict. On the other hand, conflict can lead to a stronger, closer relationship.
Conflict can be seen as a crisis point in a relationship. If the relationship survives, it can become stronger, because a successful resolution of conflict can bring with it a feeling of real intimacy.
People are then closer to and more confident of each other for their relationship has been tested and passed the test. Conflict can trigger a sorting out of a range of issues that would otherwise not be discussed but these issues nevertheless could have soured the relationship over time.
Through conflict, we can gain a better understanding of each other and of our differing points of view. If we can work out our differences with others then we can build stronger relationships based upon equity, trust and love.
POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO FAMILY CONFLICT:
In order to assist you to learn skills a short discussion of the relevant theory is important. There are four basic ways in which you can respond to conflict in your family:
1.‘You win, I lose’.
2.‘I win, You lose’.
3.‘We both win and lose something’.
4.‘I win, You win’.
THE ‘YOU WIN, I LOSE’ RESPONSE:
When you choose this response, you are trying to smooth over a conflict situation, by saying that you agree with the other person even though you don’t really agree with them. You are prepared to forgo what you want so that the other person may have what they want.
A child, who gives way to his parents even though he thinks it is unfair, is using this response. Sometimes this is the only way a child is allowed to respond. Some people in some situations would prefer to give in because it’s simply less trouble.
This particular response to conflict is not necessarily very effective by itself because it doesn’t do anything to resolve the actual problem. The person, who loses, often takes revenge for this loss on a later, quite separate occasion.
This can even be an unconscious response which the person taking the revenge is unaware of. Most of the time this ‘I’ve got you now’ reaction is so natural that we don’t even know we are doing it.
I am sure your family can do without this type of reaction. This technique is however effective in some situations, particularly when your opponent is stronger than you.
Young children in particular will use this method when faced with an angry parent. However in some instances this method can also be appropriate for parents.
Conflict may and usually does, come at the most inconvenient time. By using this method and smoothing over the conflict, you can re-schedule the conflict to a better time and place. You may then use this extra time to your advantage by collecting information or even re-reading this guide.
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Re: Pat Ritter. Books

Postby patritter » Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:31 pm

'Closing The Gap' - Page 4:

THE ‘I WIN, YOU LOSE’ RESPONSE:
Another method of responding to conflict is by competing. In other words, you go all out, thereby forcing the other person to lose. This response is the opposite of ‘You Win, I Lose’. It is a common method of conflict-handling in most families. Is it in yours?
‘If you don’t do what I want then I’ll do this to you’. If you have said something like that, then you have used this conflict response.
In certain situations the ‘I win, you lose’ response is the only effective response. For example, you don’t have a family conference when the house is on fire, to decide, which is the best way to get out of the house? You all run for the nearest door and drag whoever you can after you. Whether they want to come with you or go back for their favourite toy doesn’t really concern you. You still drag them out by force if necessary.
In some situations the ‘I win, you lose’ response may not be the most effective choice as it can be very damaging to family relationships. If you have children at school and you keep forcing them to study when you say so, then you will certainly arouse the rebellious side of their nature. Their reaction to this conflict is likely to be destructive for both parties.
However, one of the basic roles of parents is to protect their children. Therefore parents can use this conflict handling method to prevent their children being badly hurt physically, morally or emotionally.
All too often in our society, competition is frequently a standard parental response to family conflict. Where this occurs, children learn that they too should compete in conflict situations. As these children grow older, they begin to realise that they have more power. They then fight harder in an attempt to ‘win’ in conflict situations.
When both parent and teenage children are intent on ‘winning’ then the conflict takes on a life of its own and the initial issue is often lost in the struggle for independence. The final issue often then becomes one of ‘Who is the boss around here?’
This can lead to a ‘no win’ situation for both parents and their children. Parents must eventually lose as their children reach adulthood. Children finally win by breaking away from their family but both lose when there is a complete break-up of the family.
THE ‘WE BOTH WIN AND LOSE SOMETHING’ RESPONSE:
Another means of responding to conflict is by compromising. In other words, ‘we have a problem here. You want this and I want that. We both can’t have what we want so why not settle for half and split the difference’. Like the other responses this can be effective in some situations and it can be ineffective in others.
Whether a compromise solution works or not is dependent upon the thinking of those involved in the dispute. If both parties settle for a ‘fair’ compromise, then the solution may only be short term as both parties have settled for less than what they wanted.
These disputes will often recur because both parties will eventually be dissatisfied with the outcome. They may come to regard it as ‘unfair’ to them. This will occur because both parties will have different views on what is ‘fair’ in their situation. Each one will be totally sure that his version of what is ‘fair’ is the right one.
The potential for conflict is just beneath the surface and it will only take a relatively small incident for one or both parties to feel justified in restarting the dispute.
However, it we accept that a compromise does not have to be fair to work, and if we recognize that fairness is not an absolute or a defined quantity, then compromises can work.
Here the participants are satisfied with the outcome because it moves them both closer to their goal. They accept that life is not always going to be fair and therefore they don’t always expect it to be so. They are then able to accept compromises and make them work.
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