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Monty Python

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:31 pm

:clap :rotfl bloke goes to the doctor and says he's hearing strange voices coming from his pants...
doctor says"ignore them they're talking boll*cks!! :clap :clap

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:20 pm

:football :football the fa has brought in new rules-anyone found
passing the ball to andy carroll will be booked for time-wasting! :clap :clap :football

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:29 pm

:neernerneener :neernerneener i went to my mates wedding and whispered to the guy next to me,
"the bride isn't exactly a looker,is she?"
he said,"do you mind? that's my daughter you're talking about."
"i'm really sorry. i didn't know you were her father."
"i'm not. i'm her mother"!!! :devil :devil

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:38 pm

:football :football :unionjack john terry's trial will not be until after euro 2012
so he'll be free to lead his country into poland,
just like his hero...adolf hitler!!! :football :football :unionjack

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Re: Monty Python

Postby bobbyboy » Sun Feb 05, 2012 11:50 pm

:duke :thunbsup :duke :thunbsup :duke :thunbsup

THIS BLOKE WENT INTO A BOOK SHOP AND SAYS 'HAVE YOU GOT THE BOOK FOR BLOKES WITH REALLY LITTLE WILLIES?'

THE BOOK- SELLER REPLIED ' IT's NOT IN YET'. THE BLOKE SAID 'THAT's THE ONE'

:applause :applause :applause :applause :applause :applause

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Re: Monty Python

Postby Gobbo » Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:30 pm

Magic Sandals
sandals.png
sandals.png (18.7 KiB) Viewed 4103 times


A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex..'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming in panic: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!' :no :no

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Re: Monty Python

Postby Gobbo » Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:50 pm

:joker
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles :rotfl

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:45 pm

:football :football :football teacher in south london school says hands up anyone who supports millwall.
the whole class except for one boy raise their hands.
teacher says who do you support johnny?
johnny says chelsea.why do you support chelsea teacher asks,
johnny says coz mum and dad do.
teacher says you dont have to copy people,what would you do if your mum was a prostitute and
your dad was a junkie?johnny says..SUPPORT MILLWALL LIKE THE REST OF YOU PIKEY WA*KERS!!! :football :football

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:55 pm

laugh laugh A furious pounding in a hotel room late at night awakened a number of guests.
The hotel manager was called,and let himself inti the room.
Inside,he found an elderly man cursing and banging away on the wall with both fists.
"Stop that!"the manager ordered."you're disturbing the whole hotel."
"Damn the hotel!"the elderly man spat."It's the first erection i've had in years,and both my hands are asleep." :firey :rotfl

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Re: Monty Python

Postby steveizy » Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:39 pm

:aok :rotfl


A teddy bear was working on a building site today. He went for a tea break
and when he returned he noticed that his pick has been stolen. The bear
was angry and reported the theft to the foreman. The foreman grinned at
the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you; today's the day that teddy
bears have their pick nicked.

laugh

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laughter is the best medicine BOBBYBOY

Postby bobbyboy » Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:29 pm

:wink :wink :wink

MY MATE IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND HAS STARTED DRINKING '' BRAKE FLUID ''
HOWEVER,HE ASSURES ME HE CAN STOP ANY TIME.

:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:47 pm

laugh laugh a guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over a bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER £1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH £2.50
HANDJOB £10.00
checking his wallet for the necessary payment,he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three
exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
"yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile,"can i help you? "
"i was wondering ",whispers the man,"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"yes ",she purrs,"i am."
the man replys"well wash your hands,i want a cheeseburger." laugh laugh

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:31 am

:love :love just got 15 valentines cards!its left me completly breathless.
that security guard at clintons gave quite a chase! :love :rotfl

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:42 am

:applause :rotfl little johnny ran out to a field his pa was plowing to report,"there's a strange man at the house.i dunno
what he wants."
"son,"the father told him."if it's the landlord,he wants his rent.if it's the banker,he's come to foreclose the mortgage.
And if it's a traveling salesman,you run home as fast as your legs will carry you and sit in your maw's lap till i get there!" :rotfl :neernerneener

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Re: Monty Python

Postby deanyido » Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:09 am

laugh a women rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie.the amazed women asked if she got 3 wishes.
the genie said,"nope,sorry,three wish genies are a storybook myth.i'm a one-wish genie.so...what'll it be?"

the women did not hesitate.she said,"i want peace in the middle east.see this map?
i want these countries to stop fighting with each and want all the arabs to love the jews and americans and vice versa.
it will bring about world peace and harmony."

the genie looked at the map and exclaimed."lady,be reasonable.these countries have been at war for thousands of years.
i'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.i'm good but not that good! i dont think it can be done.
make another wish but please be reasonable."

the women thought for a minute and said,"well,iv'e never been able to find the right man.you know-one that's considerate and fun,
romantic,likes to cook and help with the house cleaning,is good in bed,and gets along with my family,doesn't watch sports all the time,
and is faithful.that is what i wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said,"LET ME SEE THE FU*KING MAP AGAIN." :rotfl :rotfl laugh

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