I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BADLY OFF..MY MATE IS BRILLIANT
HE HAD A CRASH WHERE HE HAD LOST HIS VOICE AND BOTH OF HIS LEGS
DOES HE MAKE A SONG AND DANCE ABOUT IT?......NO........................

A prostitute said to Paddy 'would you like to sleep with me for £25?. Paddy replied 'well i'm not that tired but i could do with the money'.

Man meets woman in a bar and buys her a drink.He keeps looking at his watch and she asks him why.He says 'It's a new dating watch.It's telling
me about you'. 'What does it say?' she asks.'It says you have no knickers on'.She says 'It's wrong'.He replies 'I know,it's an hour fast'.

Bloke at the races whispers to Paddy 'do you want the winner of the next race?'. Paddy says 'no thanks,i've only got a small garden'.

NEW DRINKING WARNING JUST RELEASED:Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys---Rum and ice will ruin your liver---Whiskey and ice
will ruin your heart---Gin and ice will ruin your brain...There you have it...ICE is lethal.
Warn all your friends.Lay off the ice.Just drink it straight.Forward this immediately.You
could save a LIFE !!!.Don't forget what it did to the bloody TITANIC.

ONE OF THE SEVEN DWARFS HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR F _ _ _ _ _ _ A GIRAFFE. APPARENTLY THE OTHER SIX PUT HIM UP TO IT

WASHER the tomcat,was heard running up and down the alley for hours.Ian,his neighbour phoned alan (the cat's owner) and asked what was happening.Alan replied 'Well, i had Washer neutred this morning and he's going around cancelling all his engagements'.

WALKING HOME FROM THE PUB LAST NIGHT,I SAW A LITTLE GREEN MAN.AS I WALKED TOWARDS HIM HE VANISHED.THEN I GOT RUN OVER.

WORKING AT THE NESTLE CHOCOLATE FACTORY,THE FORKLIFTS JUST SHED ITS LOAD AND I'M BURIED UNDER A LOAD OF BOXES.


THE MILKY BARS ARE ON ME.