mzawf.org

REMEMBER NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE.
IF YOU DO, YOU MIGHT SPILL IT.




WHEN I WAS 2 YEARS OLD I MEMORISED THE ENTIRE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA,BUT NO ONE BELIEVED ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T TALK.

MY DOG MUST BE A BLOODHOUND.EVERY TIME IT BITES ME,I BLEED.

I GOT THE DOG FOR MY WIFE.I WISH I COULD MAKE A SWAP LIKE THAT EVERY DAY.

MY FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL,I WAS SO EXCITED I CUT MYSELF SHAVING.

WHEN I WAS 4 YEARS OLD MY FATHER CAUGHT ME SMOKING. I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW HE YELLED AT THE KID WHO SET ME ON FIRE.

BEFORE I GO,I WOULD LIKE TO BE SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT -- THAT'S ENOUGH

POLICE RAIDED KERMITS LILY PAD LAST NIGHT AND FOUND HUNDREDS OF NAKED PICTURES OF MISS PIGGY.
THEY SAID IT WAS THE WORST CASE OF FROGS PORN THEY HAD EVER SEEN.!

I NEARLY HAD A THREESOME LAST NIGHT
BUT THE OTHER TWO DIDN'T TURN UP

A SMALL CHINESE GIRL APPROACHED ME IN AN ALLEY. SHE SAID 'sucky,sucky,fucky,fucky,five dorrar'.
I SAID 'you're way too young'SHE SAID 'how you know my name?'

PADDY WANTED TO SELL HIS CAR SO HIS MATE TOLD HIM TO WIND THE MILEAGE BACK AND HE WOULD GET A BETTER PRICE FOR IT.
WHEN HE SAW HIM A FEW DAYS LATER,HE ASKED HOW MUCH HE GOT FOR IT.
PADDY SAID 'When i finished winding it back it only had 7000 miles on it so i decided to keep it'.

MY MATE JUST PHONED ME AND SAID ' Bob, there's a rumour going about that you've got a 10 inch dick'.

I SAID ' I know, i started it'.

my daughter got sent home from school for swearing today.

i said 'what did you say?

she said 'the C word'

i looked at her very disappointed and said 'it's not clever is it?'

she said 'no,it was Cu nt'