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A SMALL CHINESE GIRL APPROACHED ME IN AN ALLEY. SHE SAID 'sucky,sucky,fucky,fucky,five dorrar'.
I SAID 'you're way too young'SHE SAID 'how you know my name?'

PADDY WANTED TO SELL HIS CAR SO HIS MATE TOLD HIM TO WIND THE MILEAGE BACK AND HE WOULD GET A BETTER PRICE FOR IT.
WHEN HE SAW HIM A FEW DAYS LATER,HE ASKED HOW MUCH HE GOT FOR IT.
PADDY SAID 'When i finished winding it back it only had 7000 miles on it so i decided to keep it'.

MY MATE JUST PHONED ME AND SAID ' Bob, there's a rumour going about that you've got a 10 inch dick'.

I SAID ' I know, i started it'.

my daughter got sent home from school for swearing today.

i said 'what did you say?

she said 'the C word'

i looked at her very disappointed and said 'it's not clever is it?'

she said 'no,it was Cu nt'

HOW DO YOU CONFUSE AN ARCHAEOLOGIST?

SHOW HIM A USED TAMPON AND SAY

'WHAT PERIOD IS THIS FROM?'




WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?

MARRIAGE

I JUST CHATTED THIS NICE LOOKING WOMAN UP IN TOWN AND ARRANGED A DATE AND AS WERE DEPARTING SHE SAID ' I DON'T DO BLOW JOBS FOR 6 MONTHS'.

I LOOKED AT MY WATCH AND SAID ' OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU A RING NEARER THE TIME'.

Michael Owen says he won't retire after being released by Manchester United.
He also said he's still undecided on which club he'll be injured for next season