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Magic Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex..'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming in panic: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles

teacher in south london school says hands up anyone who supports millwall.
the whole class except for one boy raise their hands.
teacher says who do you support johnny?
johnny says chelsea.why do you support chelsea teacher asks,
johnny says coz mum and dad do.
teacher says you dont have to copy people,what would you do if your mum was a prostitute and
your dad was a junkie?johnny says..SUPPORT MILLWALL LIKE THE REST OF YOU PIKEY WA*KERS!!!

A furious pounding in a hotel room late at night awakened a number of guests.
The hotel manager was called,and let himself inti the room.
Inside,he found an elderly man cursing and banging away on the wall with both fists.
"Stop that!"the manager ordered."you're disturbing the whole hotel."
"Damn the hotel!"the elderly man spat."It's the first erection i've had in years,and both my hands are asleep."

A teddy bear was working on a building site today. He went for a tea break
and when he returned he noticed that his pick has been stolen. The bear
was angry and reported the theft to the foreman. The foreman grinned at
the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you; today's the day that teddy
bears have their pick nicked.

MY MATE IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND HAS STARTED DRINKING '' BRAKE FLUID ''
HOWEVER,HE ASSURES ME HE CAN STOP ANY TIME.

a guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over a bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER £1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH £2.50
HANDJOB £10.00
checking his wallet for the necessary payment,he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three
exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
"yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile,"can i help you? "
"i was wondering ",whispers the man,"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"yes ",she purrs,"i am."
the man replys"well wash your hands,i want a cheeseburger."