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Man best friend

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Man best friend

Postby Amethyst » Tue Aug 21, 2012 7:54 pm


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laughter is the best medicine BOBBYBOY

Postby bobbyboy » Mon Sep 03, 2012 9:49 am

:angry :cry :no :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl


IRISH PARALYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS --FREE STYLE--

LANE 1 PADDY WITH NO ARMS
LANE 2 MICK WITH NO LEGS
LANE 3 JUST A HEAD

GUN GOES OFF AND THEY ALL DIVE IN. MICK WITH NO LEGS TAKES THE LEAD FROM ARMLESS PADDY. THE HEAD ''SINKS '' TO THE BOTTOM.
ARMLESS PADDY PIPS LEGLESS MICK TO WIN THE RACE.
THEY FISH THE HEAD OUT AND ASK WHAT HAPPENED.
THE HEAD SPLUTTERED AND SCREAMED '6 FUCKING MONTHS TO LEARN TO SWIM WITH MY ''EARS '' AND SOME BASTARD PUTS A SWIMMING CAP ON ME'

:clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap

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LOL

Postby bobbyboy » Fri Oct 19, 2012 4:12 pm

:yum :yum :yum

THERE IS A NEW VIAGRA TABLET ON THE MARKET CALLED 007

IT MAKES YOU ROGER MOORE


:rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl

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Re: Man best friend

Postby brillo » Wed Nov 07, 2012 10:26 am

Paddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore.
So he decided to take it's shell off
to reduce it's weight and make him more aerodynamic.
It didn't work, if anything it made him more sluggish. :joker

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police
and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."
The operator asks, "is it tickin?, Paddy says "No I tink it's beef" :joker

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Re: Man best friend

Postby smartarse » Tue Nov 27, 2012 8:25 pm

:rotfl


On Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 10:41 AM, The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Sod that" says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... then I was petrified.

A wife says to her husband: "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back".
He says: "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair".

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said: "I would like to come back as a cow".
I said: "You're obviously not listening".

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw 20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show......

I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his face light up when he opened it

A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.

I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house. I think he's lost his rag.

I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with 2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not
understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! But I thought I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I start a new job in Seoul next week.. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
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Re: Man best friend

Postby RonnieCV » Sun Jan 20, 2013 4:47 pm

:rotfl After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a
Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.

He decided to call the four in and ask them
only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would
get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the
conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest
thing you know?"


Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It
just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and
goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest
thing I know."


"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The
blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who
was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out
of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip
that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on
Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the
third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the
speed of light" he said.


Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the
fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel
replied, (in his Gujju accent!) "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers
sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by
the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.
"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was
pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"

Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at
Wal-Mart in Washington.
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Re: Man best friend

Postby RonnieCV » Mon Jan 21, 2013 3:39 pm

:rotfl
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